My Father's Day Wish...

Father's Day (16-06-2024)

It's been more than 22 years since my father left us. Why am I feeling heavy now? Is it because of the Father's Day posts I see on every WhatsApp status and Facebook, Insta feeds? Should I also share about my father who is no longer with us? But he is a person I admire, hate, love, miss, and cherish the most... Should I share a status about it? With these thoughts, I started writing this post...

Why this sudden feeling? I really don't know why I changed my WhatsApp DP to my father's drawing 10 days ago. But when I saw the Father's Day statuses and messages yesterday (16-06-24), I changed the DP immediately.

I really don't know if it's because I have an inferiority complex. I think it's not only because of that. It's also because I have my mother, who stood as a pillar in all possible ways to raise me after my father passed away. She was everything: my father, my friend, my colleague, so that I wouldn't feel the loss of my father.

I feel if I post something, it may make her think I miss my dad and that she failed to fill the gap.

Why did she choose Thiruvottriyur?

I still remember once when my mom was talking to one of our relatives, and I overheard it.

"Avanga inga iruntha avanaga periappa va pakkum pothum kupudum pothum.. appa nura vartha kupuda mudiyum athu avanga appa illanu theriyama iruka konjam athu help pannum nu nenaikurean"

which translates to

"If my sons are here, they may see their periappa daily and call him by periappa. Where the appa is there, I think and hope that this will at least help them feel a bit less."

After my father passed away, my mother had two choices: to settle in Pallavaram or Thiruvottriyur. Pallavaram is her birthplace, and her brothers live there, whereas in Thiruvottriyur is my periappa's house (my father's brother). Since my brother and I were in 12th and 9th grades at that time, she chose for us.

I also remember my periappa. After my father, he was my role model. I am an entrepreneur now because he inspired me to be one. I still remember how I used to miss my dad in the earlier stages of my career, and he was the one I talked to a lot. The way he supported me in my career and the guidance he gave (that's for another blog post) made me see my dad in him. But after his demise, I was devastated again. Because for every son, I think his dream is to establish his career, be successful, and show his dad that he has made it, that he can now stand on his own and take care of the family. But before I reached that stage, my periappa passed away.

So, all said, my Father's Day wish will be...

"I love you, Dad... I see you in my Mom... and so, Happy Father's Day, Amma..." 

- by Pradeep Dhandapani (Prad3eep)

Don't know why my eyes are dripping...